I cannot find my penis.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
