I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
its liver damage thursday
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
