I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
