he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
