Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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