So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
