after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
