FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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