Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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