i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
