Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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