if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
