just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
