bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
