apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
