Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
