champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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