we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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