I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
don't judge my taste in strippers
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
