I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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