you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
