plz talk dirty to me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
