You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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