An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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