I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
