just survived the first fart of the relationship.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
