Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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