It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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