I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
