I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
