Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
