I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
