I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
