Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
