I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
