What did we do last night that was yellow?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
