Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
