where am i from again
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
