Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
