i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just had sex bonerless
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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