I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
