Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
