Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I've blown a few things in my day
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
