if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
