3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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