I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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