yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
