My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
