he thought i was a dude.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
