need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
