ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
